I’m occasionally confronted with the conflict of when it is okay to lie. Some suggest it is never okay. In general, I don’t believe it’s okay, but there are, on rare occasions when I think it’s acceptable. Here are some rare, but somewhat realistic examples that meet that criteria for me:
- You’ve just lost a loved one to an accident. You have to call siblings, children, or parents to tell them. Some children are more capable of dealing with such things than others in the immediate shock. Suppose one of your children lives a considerable distance away but is very emotional and would be a psychological wreck when you call, yet they need to know so they can come home. You know it would not be safe for them to drive alone. Perhaps you call and tell them they need to come home right away because of an accident, but you don’t tell them of the actual death until they arrive. It may save their life.
- You have a very young child who is naturally rebellious and adventurous. You can warn them to stay away from the river that is close by because they don’t know how to swim, but you know as soon as you turn around, they’ll test their limits. If you tell them there is an aggressive alligator down there when there really isn’t it, it may be enough to keep them from visiting the river. Not lying may result in a dead child.
- Telling your young child of an untimely death of a parent is hard enough, but what if the parent was brutally tortured and murdered. Is there any value in relaying the details of that when they ask the natural question “How did Mommy die?” Perhaps later, but at a young age, it could result in a lifelong trauma that does nothing more than satisfy our need to be honest. Or what is the harm in telling a loved one that someone else’s death was without suffering when you know it isn’t true.
- You’re standing in a public place and a terrorist approaches you and asks “Are you an American?” What’s the harm in lying to them to avoid death of you or a family member? Do you owe some murderous scumbag the honor of truth?
- A friend is lying on her deathbed. She asks you to spread her remains at the top of a mountain you know you cannot climb. What’s the harm in sending her off a happier person.
- How bad can lying be if you lie to your husband about where you’re going so you can get him to go to his surprise birthday party?
- Sometimes people ask questions they shouldn’t ask and have no actual need for the information other than their own curiosity. There are questions that can be asked that unless you answer in the affirmative or negative, the receiver can make a logical conclusion about the truth. For example, “Are you older than 50?” It’s usually a rude thing to ask. You know if you answer yes, the person will make certain conclusions about you that may or may not be true. Where’s the sin in lying about it. If you say, “it’s none of your business” it’s the same of saying “yes.”
- When a car salesman asks “What is the most you can pay?” are you obligated to tell the truth, knowing it may well result in paying more than necessary?
- There is a national movement afoot for pediatricians to ask you if you have firearms at home. All medical records are now required to be stored electronically. I could tell the doctor “None of your business.” But that’s the same as saying yes. I do not want doctors or government to know anything about my firearms. I have no way of knowing where the information will end up as a result of nefarious activity or hacking. I will most definitely lie and say no and not lose a minute’s sleep about it.
- When your doctor asks if you own any firearms. It’s none of their business, but if you tell them that, that notation will end up on your records. It’s the same as saying yes.