FROM THE OFFICE OF: U.S. Senator Joe Winston (R-KY)
To be disbursed with immediate urgency.
WASHINGTON, D.C. This just in. Scientists have recently discovered that TDS, a common virus that has been dormant in roughly fifty percent of the U.S. population, now has various mutations, most of which there is no known cure. This is what is known at this time.
-The original strain was mysteriously triggered and emerged from a dormant state on or about the same date, November 8, 2016. Initial symptoms included hysteria, clinical depression, and irrational fear. This was thought to be the final stages of the disease. None of the cases appeared to be fatal. It was thought to have been an airborne virus that was dormant for as long as two decades. TDS is thought to be the only known virus that has a near 100 percent chance of causing severe mental illness.
-Recent genetic mutations of the disease appear to be more virulent and were triggered on July 16, 2018. Some officials of the World Health Organization (WHO) were considering declaring this disease a pandemic; however, even those officials have apparently been infected as well and have now retracted their concerns. The image below is a typical infected patient, indicating blood shooting from the eyes.
-The Atlanta, Georgia based Centers for Disease Control mysteriously considered issuing similar alerts, but are now suspected to have been infected as well since they also retracted any concern.
-Two unnamed and uninfected officials at the CDC who wish to remain anonymous revealed their concerns to the only known organization who would take them seriously. According to Julian Assange, he was contacted by these individuals and provided the results of the exhaustive study on this virus, which according to the whistleblowers, was classified as Top Secret by officials of the previous Obama administration. Assange suggests he will leak the results of this cover-up in several installments over the next few weeks.
-Symptoms of the mutated virus are much more severe than the original strain. These include those similar to Ebola, revealing hemorrhagic fevers resulting in internal bleeding and bleeding from all human orifices. Epidemiological research is underway to determine if this disease may become fatal.
-It is unknown why roughly fifty percent of the population is immune to the virus, although there appear to be genetic markers that indicate those with lower IQs are disproportionately susceptible. There also appear to be higher concentrations of the infections on both the Western coastal states as well as nearly all of New England States, particularly in the urban areas.
-A high-tech pharmaceutical company, RedPill Advanced Research, financed by well-known entrepreneur and philanthropist, Elon Musk, is reportedly making progress on a cure. RedPill has been conducting human clinical trials outside the U.S. because their work was dismissed by the U.S. FDA. The project is code named WalkAway. According to Musk, “We’re very encouraged. So far approximately 7,000 humans have been administered the test substance and it appears it has been 99.994% effective, resulting in what is hoped to be a total cure.” Rumors have circulated though that the medication must be repeated every 310 miles. Curiously, the medication is administered as a small red gel pill, with a Tesla logo imprinted on the surface. There have been no side effects reported.
-Unfortunately, nearly all of the infected show an unnatural and near pathological fear of taking the prescribed medication. Of those that were convinced to enter the trials, nearly all regretted their initial fears, many of which have gone on to offer video testimonials on YouTube and Facebook using the hashtag #WalkAway.
This information was released by U.S. Senator Joe Winston, (R-KY)